Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Moron on Metro

To the Man who hit me in the shin with the 2 inch long metal portion of your golf umbrella and then apologized to someone else, it's cool. The pain has since subsided and I'm sure the bruise will go away in a few weeks.

Monday, January 30, 2006

Interview Embarrassment Continues

This weekend, I was running errands after going to the gym. I usually don't wear spandex to the gym but I had decided to on Saturday.

So I run into Sam's Club still sweaty from my workout to pick up a few things. My fiance had asked me to pick up some toilet paper for him. So the only thing in my cart is 36 double rolls of Charmin.

I round a corner and I run into my reference who was suppose to be at the interview but wasn't. So we chatted for a few minutes and everything but damn was that embarrassing. I'm in a weird outfit, sweating, and looking like I may have IBS!!

Sweetness! Gotta love that.

Friday, January 27, 2006

Operation No Freeze Out

Today to combat the coldness that is the apartment, I decided to wear long underwear to work. It is working for the most part. Though my hands are still quite cold maybe I'll put on gloves.

Interview Debacle

So my interview yesterday was scheduled for 1:30. I printed off my mapquest directions the night before and they said it would take 50 minutes. So I leave at 12:15 and get the number for the office I'm interviewing at off the website (since I had the lady's number but she worked in a different office than where the interview was taking place).

So I'm driving and this county is incredibly rural. Like there is literally nothing along side of the road but farms. I have gotten on the main road I'm suppose to get on and am only looking for what mapquest calls a "slight left." There are not that many places to turn left anyway, so each time I'm making sure it's not the road I need. I'm starting to think I've been driving longer than the directions said and there seems to be no left in sight.

So I decide to call the office to see if they could give me a landmark or something. I call the number I got off of the internet. The number has been changed and the message is the "this number is no longer in service." Not the "number has been changed the new number is xyz."

I then hit the next "big" town and at this point I'm very close to the state line. It's now 1:15. Crap! I don't know what to do because I really saw no lefts and none with the street I was looking for. I was also keeping my eyes peeled for a fork in the road or something with the directions stating "take a slight left."

I call my fiance hoping he's in an off period. Nope. Call my dad at work. Nope. Call my friend who is unemployed hoping she's home. YES!! Thank god. 1:30.

She looks up things online and tells me the road looks close to 765. I have just passed 765. So I turn around. Now, no rights in sight. Then I'm like maybe it was just slightly further up if I gone only a little bit more in my original direction. I turn around again. Nothing. I have her call information to get the new number. At this point it's 1:40. This is really making a good 1st impression!

I get through to the receptionist and I apologize for running late and ask for clarification on the directions. So I get a landmark and she says she's not sure if its marked with a street name or not. Sweet.

I'm now heading back up and looking for the road on the right. I pass 3 more signs for roads marked 765!! What the hell?

Finally, because of the landmarks I know I need to be turning. I see a "street sign." Calling it a street sign is very generous. It is the smallest green sign I have ever seen. I know I need to turn there and still can't really see the that it is the correct road. I never would have found this because it looked liked the road was turning into the one supermarket I passed and was not a through street. It also was not marked on the side of the road I was initially driving on.

Finally arrive at 2:00. So now I'm a 1/2 hour late. Classy and making a wonderful impression. The only thing I've been thinking this whole time is I know one of the interviewers. He's one of my references so at least he'll be putting in a good word for me and saying how atypical this is, etc. Turns out he's not there. He has a trial in another county that day.

I get to the office (which is in the courthouse. I wasn't aware of that b/c when I was intern all the offices in the county I was in weren't located in the courthouse.). I have to go through the security stuff and am heading to Room 2000. I'm walking and this woman flags me down saying they are in their other office space. Which is labeled as the Comp Troller's office.

Clearly at this point, I'm very frazzled and just really off my game!

I go into the interview and apologize profusely for being late. They asked how I liked the other city and didn't I notice it got so rural. Um...no considering the whole drive was farms!

Then they ask me questions I'm not really prepared for. Like my views on the death penalty which was fine just wasn't really prepared for that one.

They asked me if I know any of the state prosecutor's in the county. No, I don't. Um...if I knew someone in the county I'd probably have known where the office was located. Then, they asked me since I don't know any of the prosecutors how would I treat them? I wasn't really sure what to say to this. I said I would treat them with respect and as a colleague. I had no clue what they were going do at all! I mean it would depend on the situation and the person I was dealing with.

Next, they asked me the same questions about judges. No I don't know any and I would treat them with respect.

They asked me what grade I got in the Trial Advocacy class. I had NO CLUE! I took the class my last semester of law school. So I checked my grades to make sure I did indeed graduate and then went back to studying for the bar. I really don't know any of my grades. I mean they weren't really anything too exciting and they were all around the same. Some had a plus and some had a minus. I mean the only grades I remember were really bad ones and really good ones. This class did not fall into that category. So I had to say I wasn't 100% sure but I thought it was a B+. I think it was, I still don't know.

Then there was a hypothetical I think I got right. The guy asking me the was questions was like "are you ready?" Spoken like Hank Williams Jr. I excitedly reply "sure." Not sure what I was expecting. Apparently a long lenghty hypo.

Then the interview was closing and they say the whole "are there any questions we didn't ask that you thought we should, or any questions you'd like to ask us, or anything more you think we should know about you?" I always ask a few questions then give a spiel about how great I am and how I make a good choice. I do it in this order so there is some closure when I'm done my spiel they know it's over. I found if you do the questions last, there's no clear end and then I feel pressure to continue to come up with tons of questions.

So I ask what is the average caseload and then what types of training do they provide? After they answer, I'm about to say "well that is all the questions I have right now but I think there is a little bit more I'd like to tell you about myself." I get to the "but" and the guy interviewer interrupts me and says "isn't there anything else you'd like to tell us about yourself." So I say "I was just about to do that" and then go into my spiel. I didn't want them to think the only reason I was saying more was because of the prompting.

The whole interview was just heinous. So I will chalk it up to a "good learning experience."

The annoying thing is I have to provide them with an additional reference letter. Apparently the form has changed since I applied and now needs 3 references instead of 2. The issue here is I really only have 2 references! The guy who would be my 3rd reference I can't locate so I'm not really sure what I'm going to do about that. But I know I didn't get the job. I mean I looked like a freak show who showed up 30 minutes late and then answered questions strangely. But now I have to track down a 3rd reference before I can get rejected from this job!

On a positive note, I had gotten a call from another county the night before my interview about scheduling an interview. I was going to wait to see how the interview went so see if I should call them. Thinking if the interview went well and they offered me a job, I wouldn't need to go on more interviews. Luckily, that wasn't an issue here. So I called up as soon as I got home and scheduled that bad boy! Making the 2nd times a charm. At least I know where the office is already.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

The Freeze Out

I am so cold at work it is making typing challenging. Currently, wearing a scarf and jacket inside the apartment. I tried making tea but that made no significant improvement.

Now pondering: is it possible to get frostbite inside?

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

PD Interview # 2

I have my second interview for a PD position later in the week. I'm hoping it goes ok but I have my concerns. This interview is for a district that is hiring for 2 positions in 2 different counties (1 county I'd love to work in, the other I'm not sure b/c it would an 1 1/2 commute each way).

I have no clue what to expect from this interview at all. I've already gone through the why do you want to be a PD, how will working for the PD help you achieve your long term goals, etc.

In the 1st interview they asked hypothetical questions so I'm wondering if this time it will be the same.

I also have concerns b/c I had scheduled my interview over the phone with one lady for a time and place (a place different from where I was originally told the interview would be held). Then last week, I receive a blank email from the lady. The email has no body and no subject. So I wait seeing if she's going to resent it, she doesn't. So later that day I sent her an email informing her of this blank emailing and blaming it on problems with my email.

Then I get home from work and I have 2 messages from this lady on my answering machine. The first is asking me if I'm interested in coming to interview and the second is saying she confused me for someone else and she has me on the schedule.

The next day she responds to my email saying she had emailed me b/c she lost the interview schedule and was trying to remake it. So I email her back confirming the time and place of the interview. She never responded so hopefully I show up at the right time and place.

I really hope the interview goes well!

Monday, January 23, 2006

Reason # 1,232,469

I hate my job. This morning was potentially the most maddening of all.

So I arrive to the apartment at 8:10 and find one fellow coder standing outside. I felt really bad that I had come 10 minutes late until I tried to open the door. The apartment has both a main door and a iron screen door. The iron screen door was shut and both the top and bottom locks were locked.

Problem. I only have a key to the bottom lock. So we are locked out. It's cold out today maybe in the 40s and has been raining off and on. Another coder walks up during all of this.

So the 3 of us (since Law Dancer is out with the flu) are standing outside waiting for either supervisor to arrive.

The whole problem is caused by the fact that we are perpetually locked in. The male supervisor is a door locking Nazi. He locks us in with doors that need a key to be unlocked from the inside. On Friday when a coder was trying to leave to take a phone call and couldn't get out because the door was locked, I told the Nazi that if it had been a fire we all would have burned. Since it took him awhile to locate his keys and then go to the door and let the coder out. He replied he had a key. I replied yes but it took you awhile to unlock the door. Another coder told him it was an OSHA violation. Where upon the Nazi informed us that we have an exit, we can throw a monitor through a window to break it and then crawl out. Problem, most windows have iron bars on them.

Anyway, so we are waiting outside until the girl supervisor arrives at 9. She also doesn't have a key to the top lock and after trying to pull the door open is able to slide her hand threw a hole in the screen and unlock the door from the back.

When we get in, she says so were you guys standing out there since about 8. Yes.

No mention of whether we are suppose to say we got here around 8 or if we can't bill until 9.

Currently, cold, damp and bitter.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy

Ok it wasn't a tractor but it was close. Tonight after dark, I passed a guy riding a lawn mower as though it was his car. He had a pickup truck following him closely from behind and was driving in the middle of one lane on a two lane road.

Since then Kenny Chesney has been stick in my head.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

New Years Resolutions

I think it is great when people make a New Years Resolution to get in shape. I think making a change for a healthier lifestyle is a great thing and I hope people are successful. However, the gym this time of year is insane. It is constantly packed and hard to find machines.

Though the other day two of these Resolutions kept me entertained.

The first Resolution was a woman maybe in her 30s (who knows I'm horrible with judging age). She was riding a bike and doing some weight machines with a friend. This woman was wearing a scoop neck knit sweater with green and purple stripes. Capri gray yoga pants with a white stripe down the side. Panty hose and brown leather loafers. This was interesting attire and the loafers had to be uncomfortable to bike in.

The second Resolution was this younger girl in 20s who was running on a treadmill. Then all of a sudden she starts hitting the machine for no reason. She hit the big red stop button than started slapping the control part of the machine. She looked like at any minute she would start screaming at the machine which had done nothing wrong. Then she hoped on the elliptical next to me...I became fearful.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Tagged

I've been tagged by Law Dancer. So...3 things that people don't know about me. Hmm...this is hard since I think most people know a lot about me.

Here goes (hold no high expectations):

1. I am terrified of a being attacked by a terrorist while on the metro. So when I'm riding, I am constantly scanning and trying to determine if anyone appears to be a suicide bomber. When I get off the metro, I breathe a sigh of relief that I have somehow miraculously survived. This is a strange fear because I only feel like I'm going to be the victim of an attack on the way into work. I never think about being a victim of a suicide bomber any time but on the ride to work.

2. I love eating brownie batter. When I was in lawschool (and I lived alone), I would make the brownie mix just to eat it (read: shovel it into my piehole)! The low point was when I considered saving the batter for later. This was when I realized I might have a problem.

3. In college I used to dream about being Snoop Dogg's bitch. I wanted to be decked out with the mink coat, bikini and stripper heels. When I realized this goal could be hard to attain, I decided to go with my fall back plan of a lawyer. Thus far, since I'm a temporary document coder, I think Snoop's bitch would have been a much more enjoyable choice.

I agree with Law Guru and will not tag anyone.

Monday, January 16, 2006

Personality?

OK so I was reading the Forbes Best Paid Young Celebrities. Apparently Paris Hilton had a 6.5 million dollar paycheck last year. Under her profession is listed "Personality." ugh!!!

Personality?? Are they serious? Heiress I'm cool with but personality?

I feel like in order to be a "personality," a requirement would be that one indeed HAVE a personality. Besides the ability to make a sex tape, I have seen very little talent of Paris' except the ability to keep herself in the papers. In interviews she's a bumbling moron just simply uttering the phrase "that's hot" or the converse "that's not hot."

So I think the ability to make a complete and intelligent sentence should be a requirement to being a "personality."

I can only hope that Paris does not follow the new Hollywood Baby fad which seems to have replaced the miniture pet fad. Or if she feels she needs the new baby accessory at least I hope she picks the worlds best nanny!

Maid of Honor

I now officially have a Maid of Honor (MH)! I've been waiting to ask her when I could do it in a nice way (read: saving up the money). So I took her out to a nice dinner and treated. The food was very yummy!

I decided it would be nice to ask those I want in my bridal party in a nice way. Since I've been asked to be weddings in somewhat odd ways, I thought I'd try to be different. The 1st wedding occurred this past October. The bride, me and MH were out at lunch one day when we didn't feel like dealing with law school. We were just eating and drinking jumbo margaritas. All of a sudden the bride turns to me and MH and says "so do I need to get down on a knee to ask you to be my bridesmaids." At this point I was thankful to be 1/2 way through the jumbo because this came out of nowhere and was quite terrifying. The girl and I were friends but in a going out drinking buddies sort of way. But we agreed and I am now blessed with stories much stranger than anything my imagination could create.

There have been others including getting asked by a girl I wasn't really friends with and hadn't seen in months. Then the ever popular shoulder hit "your a bridesmaid."

So I thought since I know my ladies will have over a year (currently 18 months) to deal with me and have the expense of being in a wedding that I would ask each of them in a nice way. Also, if I turn into some crazy bridezilla then maybe they will remember me pre-wedding hysterics!

Currently, the plan is NO bridezilla and NO more frumpy (though currently losing the battle to pizza and chocolate.). Now, I just have to ask 4 more ladies and step away from the cookie dough. :)

Friday, January 13, 2006

Sail into the Mystic

The fog the last 2 mornings has been out of control. On my drive the metro, I can barely see a few feet ahead of me. The metro ride itself if eerie. It feels like I'm on a plane within the clouds. All you can see is whiteness and can barely read the station signs.

Then my ipod (on shuffle) played "Into the Mystic." Quite fitting. I think my ipod may be a genius.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Slightly Tipsy Coding

So I went out to lunch today for restaurant week at Mark and Orlando's. It was very good and I ordered a glass of wine for my lunch. Well, because they mixed up our meals (though really not a big deal at all!) they gave us an additional free drink.

So now based on the fact my tolerance is quite low (the girl with her flask full of whiskey is a very distant memory), I'm slightly tipsy. And slightly tipsy document coding is not quite as fun or glamorous as one may think. It is in fact painful. Though maybe slightly more exciting than sober coding.

Bottom line: temping and document review stinks whether tipsy or sober.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

The Dance

For Christmas, my fiance gave me dance lessons. We had our first one. We have a semi private lesson with his sister and her fiance and his parents. The timing of these class is a little odd since him and I aren't getting married until June 2007. His sister (who got engaged on the same day we did--scary-huh?) is getting married this coming July. We all got engaged on Dec 3rd so she is having to plan her wedding seriously fast. But my fiance and I will probably need some refreshing closer to our wedding since he isn't the best dancer (read: potentially the worst ever and would make Kenny Mayne look like Baryshnikov).

So the class is literally 45 minutes of doing the box step. Since I used to be a dancer and went to college on a dance scholarship, this is a bit boring. After we "mastered" this box, we worked on turning it. So we are in the middle of turning this box step, when my fiance stops and says we are turning it too fast (we aren't and he's leading). Apparently he gets "dizzy when we turn too quickly."

So then he tries to start us up again but we are off beat. He says staying on beat is too advanced for him. So maybe we aren't starting this dance lessons too early! Maybe 18 months is just the right amount of time to get this dance looking well like some semblance of coordinated movement.

My fiance is trying though and it is a very funny gift. I was just surprised since he's an athletic guy. He plays and coaches basketball and tennis. Apparently athletic ability has nothing to do with ability to dance.

Kidnapped??

So my fiance and I had a meeting with a priest this weekend about possibly performing our ceremony. We all chatted and talked for awhile just getting to know one another. We each talked about our jobs, my fiance a teacher and coach, me a lawyer, him a priest, etc.

Then there came a time where we each had to be alone with the priest and answer some questions. I went first. The priest asks questions and fills out a questionnaire based on my answers. Apparently the higher ups in the Catholic church created these questions circa 12 A.D. amd have never changed them.

So the first couple questions were normal: what is your full name, dad's name, mom's maiden name, address etc.

Then comes the questions "have you been kidnapped and are being forced into this marriage?" Um...Ok...NO. Kinda odd questions because if I was being kidnapped and forced into marriage, I probably wouldn't be answering that questions honestly anyway. Next was "Are you getting married by your own free will?" Again...Yes.

After a few more strangely worded questions, the priest asks me more about where I work in DC. So I explain that I do temporary work in a one bedroom basement apartment but the head attorney works in a law office somewhere else.

The priest replies "Wow talk about kidnapping."

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Jobhunt

Working in the apartment sucks!! Everyday I wake up and the 1st thought I have when my alarm is blaring is that I could just quit. I could just never show up again. Then the reality of my loan payments sets in and I get up.

The interview with the public defender office I had a few weeks ago went well. I am among the candidates who will be moving on to the next round of interviews if there are needs. So I guess now I'm waiting to hear about going on interviews in different districts around the state.

I'm hoping that happens soon b/c I may very well go insane if I have to keep working in this apartment!

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Letter to Editor

Dear (insert name of any magazine geared toward 20 something girls)Magazine,

I just finished reading your January issue. I'd like to alert you to the fact that it is January. I feel like you may know this fact since it was your January issue. However, upon reading the magazine I have come to the conclusion you may have been informed that it is July. All of your spreads show woman in bathing suits, vacationing in St. Barts and how best to dress for the islands.

Since it is January, meaning it is quite cold outside and will continue to be for over 2 months, why do all the spreads feature girls wearing bikinis? Also since January is located right after all the holidays and holiday weight gains, many woman including myself do not enjoy the thought of getting into a bikini right now. Instead, maybe more timely articles should include "How Best to Hide the Holiday Buddha" or "Put Down the Cookies and Back Away from the Tin."


Regards,
Blonde Law

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Accessory

As I was getting into my car from getting off of the metro this evening, I placed the bag and purse I was carrying into the backseat. Something felt amiss. I looked down and noticed I'm wearing an umbrella! Somehow the umbrella in my bag looped itself around a button of my coat, had existed my bag and was now hanging from this button slightly open.

It was a sweet look. I may start a new trend.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Hit Me With Your Best Shot

So I'm in Atlantic City for New Years Day and am playing (read: losing) at craps. I look over to this craps table across from mine and see this woman all in pink. She is lumbering from side to side and her entire body is shaking. She looks as though at any moment her head could start spinning around.

So she starts stepping towards this man who is playing craps. He stiff arms her away. Then she comes back in and punches him on the top of the head. So he's pushes her away all while still placing bets. So then she starts clawing at him and he again just kinda pushes her away. She then starts cursing at him "something something bitch something something." At this point security starts to escort her out but I suppose they lose interest and stop. So she's just standing against a wall just staring at this guy down. Still shaking.

Meanwhile the guy is bleeding so some workers bring him a Kleenex box. So he's dabbing up blood all while still betting and playing craps. Finally security actually escorts the lady in pink out and give the guy a bandage for his face. The guy then goes to fill out an accident report.

I start feeling really bad for the guy and all the people at the table are talking about what a psycho the lady in pink is.

Later the pit boss informs us the guy had both his girlfriend and his wife in Atlantic City for the weekend. No longer feeling so bad for the guy! What an idiot!

Moral of the story: When taking a trip with your wife leave girlfriend at home and when taking a trip with your girlfriend leave wife at home.